Dear Cyclists on Necessary and RD Mize Rds,
I've been searching my soul for awhile and I have come to a decision. I hate you. I hate your shiny little outfits that you zip half way down in front so I can see your sweaty chests. I hate your tight shiny pants (to be fair, some of you actually have nice legs, but some of you should not be wearing them). I hate your helmets with rear view mirror attached, your built in fanny packs and your fancy bicycles. But most of all, I hate that you insist on riding in packs of twenty down a two lane road with no shoulder.
You are always making me late for ballet as I am forced to crawl behind you at 15 miles per hour until I can safely pass you. I think I hate you more than that idiot who drives the Smartcar and refuses to accelerate past 25. I hate the smug looks you give me as you cycle by, secure in the belief that you have reduced your carbon footprint by parking your car at the Methodist church and cycling to the hallowed ground of Casey's General Store where your friends will give you a lift back to your SUV. If you are exceptionally self-righteous you will cycle all the way to the new golf course and the Blue Springs city limit. You look at me with disdain in your eyes, but I would like to see you transport 65 lbs worth of children with just your bicycle.
Bravo! Your recreational cycling is saving the fragile environment while I drive by glibly in my gas guzzling earth killer. Good for you! Your $1000 hobby puts the hardcore hippies of San Francisco to shame. You should all be given medals for your selfless examples.
You may be training for some sort of marathon, but you would not dream of cycling down the fine gravel path of the 11 mile Little Blue Trace. That would be an insult to the great sport of cycling.
In short, I hate you. I've tried to be civil and share the road with you, but after 12 months of co-existing with you I have had enough. Please DIAF, or at least find a road with a bike path to cycle on.
Sincerely,
Merilee
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5 comments:
Holy Crap!!! Best post evar!!1!!!!111eleventy!!!111!
Thanks. I was hearing Christian Bale say "Good for you!" to the lighting guy in my head.
Yes! I hate cyclists. HATE them. They follow pedestrian laws when they want, motorized laws when they feel like it and whatever else they deem necessary. Why do I have to share the road if they don't? Thank this post is great. Why can't we live near each other, I need a close friend the women around here are weird at best.
Rachel, I miss you too. All of my friends are crazy.
Mom says amen! You cyclist act as if you own the road and have a right to be there. Pardon me, but my vehicle is licenced and taxed for the privilage of driving on the road. Until you buy a licence for that bike and pay for the privilage, GET OFF THE ROAD! WHAT A SELFISH INDIVIDUAL YOU ARE FOR PUTTING YOURSELF IN HARMS WAY. THE PERSON THAT COMES AROUND ONE OF THE BLIND CORNERS on Necssary Rd AND HITS AND KILLS YOU BECAUSE, YOU HAVE "A RIGHT TO BE ON THE ROAD" will have his or her life forever ruined. But what do you care? You won't be around to suffer the consequences!
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