Nerds, All of You

I can hardly believe that three college educated people are having a rousing debate over who is the better superhero (although, too be fair, I think Korynn may have been the least nerdy in her comments).
To Danny: Haha. Your wife does not support your choice of superhero.
To Spencer: I can't believe you have a wife.
You two are like two grown up, educated versions of that kid who wore his coo beads and a utility belt everywhere he went. And, you are both wrong about who the greatest superhero is.

I submit to you the greatest superhero of all time:



Further evidence that Mark is the greatest superhero of all time:

He's super strong:


He's got awesome hair and sideburns:


He can sing and play the guitar:


He helped produce this:


...and this:



And he defied biology and logic by springing from a union between this:


...and this:



There you go. The greatest superhero ever. Suck it.

Happy Birthday Spencer!

Happy Birthday Spencer and congratulations on being so old that not even Mom can remember exactly how old you are! You are the best!

A Lot of Things

So, I have a lot of things to ramble about.

First up: I recently finished a book called "Dancing Under the Red Star." (Short interruption: Brick just came up to me with a carpenter's knife- closed thank goodness.) It is the biography of an American women who, as a child, went with her parents to live in Russia and was later imprisoned in a Stalinist labor camp. She is the only known American woman to survive a Soviet death camp. It was truly a fascinating book. The first half detailed her childhood in Detroit and then in Soviet Russia, the wrongful arrest and imprisonment of her father by the Soviets and the struggles she and her mother went through during World War II in Russia. The second half talks about her wrongful arrest by soviet police, the nine years she spent imprisoned and her struggles to leave communist Russia and Germany and return to America. This book kicked butt and spoke very plainly of the horrors of Communist Russia. I strongly recommend it to anyone who thinks that socialism or communism "isn't so bad."

Secondly: Friday night Mark and I went to see "The Day the Earth Stood Still" which was pretty cool. Finally, a role in which Keanu Reeves was totally believable. He maintained a nice monotone through the whole movie, which isn't really different from any of his other movies, but it actually fit here. Bonus: listening to him speak Chinese with a surfer accent was hilarious, or, if you are an actual Chinese person, cringe worthy. All in all, it was a pretty cool movie, but not too scary, as I earlier in that day came to the conclusion that should we be faced with an alien invasion I'm not running, but rather waiting in the comfort of my own home for them to kill me. It seems much more relaxing and as long as they kill all of us I'm fine.

Next: An apology to Danny. I may have mentioned, way back in October, while driving the girls somewhere, that Obama was the devil. I certainly tell Mailee on a regular basis that he wants to steal all of our money. I am truly sorry for influencing your apparently influential 5 year old, and, I look forward to celebrating Hanukkah with your family this year.

Which brings me to my next thought: the curious events surrounding Obama's open senate seat. What surprises me about this isn't that Blagojevich was attempting to "sell" the open seat or that the state of Illinois has a governor named Blagojevich. What surprises me is that everyone is so surprised by this "unexpected" corruption. O'Rlly? Illinois politics has been notoriously corrupt for decades. If this is news to you then you may be stupid, or at the very least, extremely unaware. I am neither shocked nor dismayed, but on the contrary, quite delighted. It is a delicious diversion to watch various officials stumble all over themselves to deliver denials and exclamations of shock. I haven't been this entertained since Jim McGreevey came out. I look forward to further developments.

This, I think brings me to the end of my thoughts. Should I have another thought during the day and the opportunity, I may honor you all with it.

Shoot Me

Remember how I said Brick was going through a tantrum phase? Well, as if that wasn't annoying enough, some time in the last week Mailee morphed into this whiny argumentative child. Mark said last night that it is amazing so much attitude can come out of such a small body. She has been whining for the last 30 minutes about how she is cold. I turned the heat up, turned on the fire and gave her a blanket. Her current problem is that she doesn't want to put the blanket on herself. I wonder if she would be so cranky if we lived in a straight up communist country and she didn't have such a nice blanket. Chew on that, you little snot.

The Thanksgiving From Which Dreams Are Made

First off, a big thanks to Spencer and Roxann for hosting us for Thanksgiving this year. I got to exchange spending 3 hours with 19 billion of my in-laws for spending 3 days with just 1 of Spencer's in-laws and it was well worth it. I will grant that I actually like 99% of my in-laws and I can handle spending 3 hours with 95% of them. It's just that 1% that makes me cringe and that 5% that I really can't handle more than an hour with.

Anyhoo, we really enjoyed our time in Tennessee, although Brick was sick the entire time, so we didn't really get to do much. It was relaxing and Mailee really enjoyed the time with her cousins. Here are all the kids, minus Brick, sitting on Santa's lap.

And this is what Brick was doing.

Here is Caitlyn at the bottom of the slide. I'm pretty sure she pushed some bigger kids out of the way first.


Ben and Matt.

And here is Mailee.


So cute. Well, in the interest of time, I don't think I can go into any detail about the trip. I will say that Brick is doing much better, but now Mailee is sick, and I woke up sick on Sunday and now I am coughing and wheezing.
Gotta go. I can hear the kids plotting a rebellion against Mark so I had better go save him.

Glenn Beck Rocks

Ok, this post isn't really all about Glenn Beck. I just wanted to point out that he rocks. I am really sad that I don't get to listen to him everyday and when I do listen it is usually only for a few minutes at a time. That said, what this post is really about it 'Twilight.' I've sucked you into a post about a teen vampire book. Ha ha ha (maniacal laughter). Actually, I just wanted to say that on Friday's show Glenn Beck mentioned the 'Twilight' series and the new movie coming out this weekend. He highly recommends the books and he pointed out that they aren't just teen vampire books. And, since Glenn Beck is right about nearly everything, that means that you all should read the books. Including you, Danny.

Anyway, Korynn and I are going to see the movie today with some other Elder's Quorum wives and I really hope I like it. I am setting myself up for disappointment, though. Movies never really are as good as the books they were based on.

I'm out.

Here's Your Politics, Spencer

Okay. Spencer said I couldn't be under "Cool People" because my blog is not politically motivated. Apparently, since I am to the center of right I'm just not right-wing enough for all of you gun-toting right-wingers. Although, I would like to point out that I do own a BB gun and I killed a bird with it (teach those birds not to eat my grass seed), so I am fairly hardcore for being center right(Mark is so proud).

Anyway, I introduce here a political topic: GLOBAL CURRENCY.
This idea is worse than craptastic. It is Obamatastic. Let's just put aside the whole G20 thing (or whatever they called it) and what a bad idea I think that was, and move on to the disaster that is instituting a global currency. From what I understand of Glenn Beck's show today, there would actually be 3 different currencies; European, Asian? and American currency. In order for this to work, we would have to stabilize the economies of North and SOUTH America, which would mean the value of our money would drop drastically. WHAT THE HECK? Who thought up this crap? Who decided that it would be a good idea to take that $50 that we have left over at the end of the month and turn it into NOTHING?

Let's look beyond what it would do to all of our savings accounts and look at a bigger picture. Shouldn't the American people have a say in this? Aren't we supposed to be a republic? Will this standard even be based on something substantial like gold? Why does our government hate us?

In don't have a sophisticated enough understanding of economics or business or politics to really articulate why I have a problem with this. That's really Mark's department. I just know that I don't like this. I don't like going to bed with all these other countries and having to play by their rules. I don't like that little by little we are losing everything that used to set us apart from the rest of the world. What can we do? Do we have to sit idly by and watch our government be ruled by socialists?

Thoughts?

Ballerinas, Tantrums, Tampons, Poop and Ladies

First off, I'd like to say to Spencer, I can't believe you have me listed under "Family" and not under "Cool People." That hurts. Jerk.

Secondly, we just finished another exciting second weekend of November, where my husband proved that he is the strongest and most secure man in the world. Last weekend, Mark donned his tights, lined his eyes, dusted off his ballet shoes, and pointed his toes in his ninth fall performance with Blue Springs Ballet. He showcased his freakish strength by lifting many girls, some of whom had lifted many ho-hos (I'm serious. Ask Sharel how big that girl was). Also, I made his costume this year and he looked so good in it. So, now we get to relax until next year when the whirlwind of rehearsals, costume fittings and tantrums from emotional ballerinas who've soothed their feelings with a truckload of doritos (I should have gotten the lead this year! It's not fair!) continues.

Thirdly, Brick is in his tantrum phase, so I spend most of my days wishing I drank something stronger than Diet Dr. Pepper. Nearly everyday when he wakes up from his nap he screams for about 30 minutes or until I am able to distract him into calming down. It goes something like this:
From his crib in Brick talk, "Mooooommm! I'm up now! Come get me!"
I go into the room. "Hey, mom. How's it goi...wait a minute. You left me in here to sleep and I have just remembered that you are the worst mom ever. And, I know you aren't going to nurse me when you get me out of here." I walk towards him and reach down to pick him up. He pushes my hands away. "Don't touch me! I hate you! Get out of my room!" I back away and say, "All right, if you aren't ready to get out then I will leave." Then he screams, "Where are you going? Get me out of here! No! Don't touch me! I hate you!" It goes on like this until I walk out and shut the door (at which point he starts saying words that shouldn't be repeated) or until I just pick him up and set him on the floor. Once I do get him out and put him down he screams for me to pick him up and the screams for me to put him down and then throws in more stuff about how he hates me and I have ruined his life. It is a vicious cycle that was only interrupted today because Mailee threw her ballet skirt over his head and yelled, "Where'd Bricky go?" and then he started laughing. Bless her for her distractions.

Fourthly, Brick is now into everything. He likes to pull the underwear out of my drawers and play with the toilet brush. He likes to turn the hot water on in the tub and crawl under the sink. He pulls shirts off hangers and bowls out of drawers. But, his absolute favorite thing to do is play with feminine hygiene products. He likes to pull tampons out of the box and string them all over the upstairs. Then he likes to go back and pick them up and put them back in the box. Repeat process. Thankfully, he has not yet figured out how to unwrap them.

Lastly, Mailee is such a lady. Last night we had burrito/haystacks for dinner. She finished her burrito and proudly proclaimed, "Mother, I ate all my burrito!"
"Good job, Mailee. I am so proud of you!" I said. "Good job!" Mark said between bites.
"It just went into my stomach," she said. "That's right," I said. Mark grunted. Brick made the sign for "more" (he just learned it!) and I gave him more rice.
"Now it's just going into my bottom," she giggled. "And I'm going to have to go potty again soon," she sang it out. "Ok, Mailee," I said. "Yeah, it's going to come out poopy and I'm going to sit down and go uhhnnnn," she grunted like she was going to the potty.
Mark piped up from his end of the table. "Mailee, that is not appropriate dinner conversation. We don't talk about poop at the table." She looked at him for a minute and I believe she actually sighed. Then she turned to me and said, "Mother, can I have another burrito?"

Fluffies and Ladies

So, one night last week we had to drive to the park and ride on Woods Chapel Rd to pick Mark's truck up (I think we picked him up from work and can't remember why). So, Mailee, Brick and I are driving back home in the dark and Mailee says from the backseat, "Mother." (Yeah, she calls me "Mother" now.) "Mother, I just had to make a fluffy but I couldn't push it out."
Okay, thanks for that information.
"Then I just pushed it out and it came out."
Again, thanks.
"Mother, what are fluffies?"
"Well, Mailee, fluffies are gas that gets trapped in your stomach and then it comes out of our bottoms and because it comes out where our poopie comes out it stinks." I know that isn't the most sophisticated explanation but give me a break.
"Oh," she says. "Yeah, and then they just come out on our panties!" Now she is giggling in the backseat. Then she stops giggling. "Mother, why do fluffies come out on our panties?"
"Well, because we wear panties on our bottoms."
"Why do we wear panties on our bottoms?"
Big sigh from me. "Because, Heavenly Father wants us to keep our bottoms covered."
"Why does Heavenly Father just want us to keep our bottoms covered?"
"Because our bottoms are special and we shouldn't show them to other people."
"Yeah, because if we show them to other people then we will get in trouble."
Okay. I don't think this is really the time or place for a discussion on morality, so I am not sure what to say. So, I was sitting there thinking how to respond to this pretty serious observation, when she says:
"Look, Mother! I can see my shadow."
Thank goodness 3 year olds have such a short attention span.

I'm Back

Well, I'm back. My eyes have healed enough that I can sit at the computer with no problems. Finding time to do that is another issue. I'm deep in the middle of making Mark's costume for the ballet and doing some minor alterations on 2 other costumes. A lot of the work has to be done by hand, so it is pretty time consuming. The good news is that I am almost done with the 2 less important costumes and 2/3 of the way through Mark's costume. Dress rehearsals begin on Saturday, so it is crunch time.
Parents as Teachers came today and both of the kids did great with the activities she had for them. Brick is really getting good at his fine motor skills and the parent educator was really impressed with how well Mailee talks. I was really proud of them.
Our other news is that Mark was set apart last week as the Elder's Quorum president. I kissed him goodbye and am lamenting my new role as a single mother. Just kidding. We are both really excited about the opportunities to serve and I am making a real effort to be a little less jealous of Mark's time and to share him freely. I know if we give our time to the Lord he will help us continue to have time together as a family.
Being able to see without contacts or glasses has been amazing. Every night, I still think, "I have to take out my contacts." I think it will be awhile before that habit breaks. I am now seeing better than I did before with my glasses and as well, if not better, than I did with my contacts. The doctor says that I am still healing, so it should get even better. The first 2 weeks or so were rough, but it has definately been worth it. I highly recommend.

Obama and Education

I'm not as eloquent as Danny. Politics isn't my thing, so if this post doesn't sound very eloquent and well thought out then I apologize.
From Danny's post:
the Dept of Education should not exist. Education is a State issue, not a Federal Govt issue.
I totally agree. I just want to point out that this nation was founded with the idea of a small central government and strong state governments. Sounds like Obama is trying to change that. Not cool.
if a little bit of competition was introduced in education, we would not be churning out the poor excuse of a public education system we have now.
Again, I totally agree.
This means that the Federal Government will begin to dictate the curriculum for our local schools.
I see this being potentially disastrous. Sure, you might think it would be a good idea for us all to be learning the same thing, but who is going to decide this? Some yahoo from California who doesn't have any concept about what is really useful for some kid in Indiana to know? (Why should I learn about hurricane safety if I live in the Midwest?)
Create the American Opportunity Tax Credit: Obama will make college affordable for all Americans by creating a new American Opportunity Tax Credit. This universal and fully refundable credit will ensure that the first $4,000 of a college education is completely free for most Americans, and will cover two-thirds the cost of tuition at the average public college or university and make community college tuition completely free for most students.
There are so many things wrong with this idea that I am flabbergasted that anyone could not see past its obvious pandering to the mindless American. I can't wait to pay for some moron to drink his way through college. And this isn't saying that the government will regulate college tuition, but I think it is a precursor to this. If our federal government starts telling our colleges what they are allowed to charge (Um, yeah, you can't charge anything. Thanks.) then they are going to start telling them what they are allowed to teach! Next step, the federal govt telling universities who they are allowed to accept. Yeah, I went to a liberal arts college. I 100% believe in allowing individual colleges or states or whoever decide what should be taught at colleges, how much they can charge and who should be allowed in. Am I way off base here (got to put on my tinfoil hat)? I may have misinterpreted this, but I don't think regulating what colleges are allowed to charge for tuition is too far away from his gay American Opportunity Tax Credit. Also, I don't think the federal government should be involved in this. I think this is a state issue.

Okay. I try to stay out of political discussions cause they make me sound stupid, but I just wanted to comment.

My Eyes! My Eyes!

It has recently come to my attention that I can't see. Well, it wasn't really recently that I noticed this, and it isn't really something that I have noticed so much as it is something that is blatantly obvious. I am completely nonfunctional in the morning before I put on my glasses and I am totally screwed if I take my contacts out at night before finding my glasses. I'm a -5.5 in my left eye and a -6.0 in my right. I'm so nearsighted that I am nearly blind. Luckily, Mark finds it endearing when he has to stop what he is doing and hand me something that is literally right in front of my face.
The real problem is that my eyelids have developed an allergic reaction to the protein that builds up on your contact lenses. If I wear my contacts for more than a couple of hours my eyes start to burn. Sure, this can be helped by diligently cleaning my contacts (which I don't really do), but I have been told that there may come a day when I won't be able to wear contacts at all.
Well, I am happy to report that as of October 1 this will no longer be a problem. We are selling our house on September 26 (suckers!, just kidding, Bo) and therefore coming in to a little bit of money. So, I have elected to have a powerful laser scrape off the top layer of my cornea. I am having PRK, a form of laser eye surgery on October 1st. I went in for a consultation yesterday and found out that I am not a candidate for lasik surgery because my cornea is too thin so I have to have PRK.
Basically, PRK uses a laser to shave off bits of your cornea, reshaping it and allowing your eye to focus better. I'll go in on the morning of surgery and they will give me a valium to calm me down. Then, they will take me into the surgery room where they will put in a topical anesthetic. Mark will be allowed to be in surgery with me. The actual procedure should only take about 5 minutes per eye. Once he is finished the doctor will apply some medicine and then a contact lens bandage which I will have to wear for 6 days. Unlike Lasik, which has instantaneous results, it may take several weeks or months to achieve my best vision result. I was told that I won't really be able to see at all for about 5 days while the abrasions the laser made heal. This means that I will spend almost a week as if I couldn't find my glasses. (I should be able to see well enough to drive in about a week.) I'll have Tylenol3 in pill form, and two different pain relievers that come in drop form. I'll also have an antibiotic drop and a steroid drop to put in my eyes. I'm supposed to experience "mild discomfort," which includes dryness, tearing, burning, and sensitivity to light. Mark is probably going to take the week off to take care of me and help with the kids.
So, that's it. I'm going to be able to see! I'm pretty excited!

Oh, Matt Damon, I'm So Sad

I think I forgot to mention that I recently fell in love with Glenn Beck. (This may be a problem for Mark, but he seems pretty cool with all the other people I am in love with, so it might be okay.) What a coincidence that he should have so much to say about my first love (who I will never actually meet), Matt Damon. (See glennbeck.com) Oh Matt, why? Why did you open your mouth and talk about politics without a script in front of you? Why did you have to say all the things that people have been saying about Palin that bother me the most? Why? I think a little part of me died when I read that transcript.

Please, Christian Bale, don't say anything about American politics. I'm begging you. Don't kill the dream.

Words I Dread: Part 1

"I Want That."

Mailee's birthday is in April. I have tried to explain to her several times that her birthday is a long way away. I've gone through every one of her relatives who will have a birthday before she does. We're talking like 20 people. Additionally, today is Mark's birthday. This makes absolutely no difference to her. Several times a day, while watching tv or while we are at the store, she will see something she likes and say, "I want that for my birthday! Can I have it, please? Please? Please?" I want to stab my eyes out.

Slippery When Wet

We live on a corner just below a curve in the road. Today it is raining. I think you can see where this is going.
About an hour ago some yahoo driving a sporty silver car decided he was in a hurry. Too much of a hurry to slow down while going around a curve. Despite the fact that it is raining. Unfortunately his fantastic spoiler with all its inherent magical powers could not save him from eating dirt. He ended up in the ditch just on the other side of what would be my fence if I had a fence. A very noisy tow truck came and pulled him out while a policeman directed traffic. He just left, now 45 minutes later than he would have been had he slowed down to 15 to go around a sharp curve in the rain.
Idiot.

Brick vs the Bookcase

Brick made several attempts to kill himself over the holiday weekend. He ran for open stairs, tried to climb into a hot oven and made a mad dash for the campfire. Alas, all of his attempts were thwarted. He succeeded only in shortening my life. Feeling the sting of defeat, he made one more spirited attempt last night.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. The kids both took long naps and we got the house picked up before Mark came home. I didn't have to clean poop off anything and nobody bit or kicked me, so I'd say I was feeling pretty stellar by 6:45 when I went upstairs to get ready for ballet. Mark followed me up with the kids and took them into the office while I changed in the closet. I was half in and half out of my leotard when I heard a loud thud and Mark yell, "Oh no!" Then there was silence. I thought that whatever had just happened was either not so bad (hence the lack of screaming) or very bad (hence the lack of screaming). I rushed into the office and Mark was kneeling over a now crying Brick who was laying on the floor.
"What happened?"
"He pulled the bookcase on top of himself. I think his nose is broken."
I must say I am proud of the speed with which I climbed out of my ballet clothes into regular clothes. I was pretty clear headed while I grabbed a wet rag to stop the trickle of blood coming from Brick's nose and found Mark a shirt and some socks. Mark was smart enough to think of giving him some Ibuprofen (did you know they make that for babies?). I called and mom came over to assess the damage and take Mailee home with her while we took Brick to Urgent Care.
We prepared ourselves for the inevitable accusations of child abuse from the staff, but they were all very nice to us. Maybe it was how upset Mark and I both looked, or how cute Brick was playing ball with us in the waiting room, or just that they could tell he wasn't hurt that badly. Maybe it was just that everyone there had a little boy and they had all been in our shoes. In any case the nurse was so nice and everyone was so reassuring. The doctor sent us down to get X-rays and we were greeted by a middle-aged x-ray tech who said she had no idea how she was going to get a one-year old to hold still for x-rays. Brick, of course, thought it was very fun to lay on the table and get his picture taken. He even smiled. We were so proud of how good and cooperative he was, and in the end the tech said she had never seen a little one who was so good. She offered to babysit anytime we wanted.
Turns out nothing was broken. He slept pretty well last night (only got up 3 times) and is currently running around the house attacking inanimate objects. His nose and right eye are swollen and blue and he is trickling out a mixture of snot and dried blood, but thank goodness he is all right. I wonder if he will consider last night a victory and take a break from his self destructive behavior or if tomorrow he will up the ante. I'll wait with baited breath.

3 Year Old Logic

"Hey, Mailee. Do you know where my book is?"
"Yes."
Sweet! I've been looking everywhere for that. "Ok. Where is it?"
"It's somewhere."
I fall for it every time.

I am a big kid now

So, we have been in our new house for 3 weeks and we finally got the internet a few days ago. Two and a half weeks without the internet really wasn't that bad, except that every 3 days someone would say something to me like, "Did you see that video on Youtube...?" or "Did you read Spencer's blog..?" or "Did you see the new XKCD...?" No, numnuts, I didn't because I don't have the internet. Well, I have it now so I decided to check out Spencer's blog which reminded me that I didn't have a blog and that I asked Mark to set one up for me months ago. Since he didn't (and I am incapable of doing it myself) I have concluded that he must be trying to control me and accused him of being a pinko. He relented and helped me set this up. (I'm on to you, buddy. Foiled your plan to keep me cut off from the world!) So, now I am a big kid like the rest of my siblings and can play like a big kid. Look forward to reading my amazing thoughts. Drink from the fount of my wisdom. Laugh at the things my children do to me.
Enjoy.