An Open Letter

Dear Cyclists on Necessary and RD Mize Rds,

I've been searching my soul for awhile and I have come to a decision. I hate you. I hate your shiny little outfits that you zip half way down in front so I can see your sweaty chests. I hate your tight shiny pants (to be fair, some of you actually have nice legs, but some of you should not be wearing them). I hate your helmets with rear view mirror attached, your built in fanny packs and your fancy bicycles. But most of all, I hate that you insist on riding in packs of twenty down a two lane road with no shoulder.

You are always making me late for ballet as I am forced to crawl behind you at 15 miles per hour until I can safely pass you. I think I hate you more than that idiot who drives the Smartcar and refuses to accelerate past 25. I hate the smug looks you give me as you cycle by, secure in the belief that you have reduced your carbon footprint by parking your car at the Methodist church and cycling to the hallowed ground of Casey's General Store where your friends will give you a lift back to your SUV. If you are exceptionally self-righteous you will cycle all the way to the new golf course and the Blue Springs city limit. You look at me with disdain in your eyes, but I would like to see you transport 65 lbs worth of children with just your bicycle.

Bravo! Your recreational cycling is saving the fragile environment while I drive by glibly in my gas guzzling earth killer. Good for you! Your $1000 hobby puts the hardcore hippies of San Francisco to shame. You should all be given medals for your selfless examples.

You may be training for some sort of marathon, but you would not dream of cycling down the fine gravel path of the 11 mile Little Blue Trace. That would be an insult to the great sport of cycling.

In short, I hate you. I've tried to be civil and share the road with you, but after 12 months of co-existing with you I have had enough. Please DIAF, or at least find a road with a bike path to cycle on.

Sincerely,
Merilee

Whenever I lick myself...

So we are looking out the window and a bird flies by and Mailee says, "Is that a hawk?"

Me: "I don't know."

Mailee: "I think it was. Hawks just eat little kids but they don't eat mommies and daddies."

Okay. Me: "What do little kids taste like?"

Mailee: "Sour."

Me: "Sour?"

Mailee: "Yeah, whenever I lick myself I taste sour. Just lick yourself." Then she starts licking herself.

Rantings

So, I have recently been sucked into the world of facebook and have been sharing all my stupid thoughts there. However, this morning I was up at an unholy hour after almost no sleep and therefore feel like ranting where there is a little more privacy.

First up, I haven't slept well in weeks and I am pissed off. I need sleep, and a lot of it, to function like a regular person, and I haven't been getting it. No sleep turns me into a homicidal maniac. I'm so sleep deprived that I can't even think of anything clever to say.

Secondly, I can't stand watching the news anymore because it is pissing me off. I know I should become informed like a responsible citizen and then go out and protest or something but I'm too ticked off. I can't even listen to Glenn Beck for more than five minutes. Everything is so messed up.

Thirdly, I am trying to save money to send Mailee to preschool by not eating out, but I think today is a day for comfort eating. I need a big plate of greasy, cheesy Mexican food that can only be found down at Rainbow and Southwest. But, if we go out for lunch then that will be less money I can save toward preschool. Mailee has to go to preschool for several reasons, like she and I need some time apart during the day and I think I will lose my mind if we don't get it.

In short, I am in a bad mood and if anyone wants to take my kids today then they are welcome to them.

Thoughts and Facebook

Sometimes I can hardly believe Mark is married to such a tech- idiot. I never post pictures here because it takes me like 10 minutes to post a picture.
I just signed up for facebook because someone convinced me that it would be a good way to stay in touch with people who live far away. I have this blog, but I guess there are certain people who I just don't want to see it. The thing is that I don't really know how to use facebook and I haven't put any pictures up yet, because as I said, it takes me forever to do it and Mark always has to walk me through. So frustrating.
Anyway, the kids are fine, even though Brick locked himself in the van last week and Mark had to come home from work to unlock it. That was fun. We switched him to a toddler bed last week and that has been okay, except that he keeps climbing into Mailee's very small bed with her and waking her up.
Ummm...Mark and I are starting to lose our vacation weight. Pants are fitting again.

That's about it for us right now.

Nothing Exciting Part Deux

1. Mark and I saw Star Trek while we were in St. George. I liked it, but admit that may be because I am too cool to know any Star Trek background. The new Kirk is hot.

2. Mark discovered the D.I. while we were in Utah and fell in love. He's already drawn up divorce papers and as soon as we can work out a custody arrangement he is moving back to shack up with his new lover.

3. I gained so much weight on our trip that I can't get the top button buttoned on most of my pants. Tonight I plan on turning to that good old stand-by, bulimia, to drop those extra pounds. Kidneys be damned! I want to be thin.

4. I am out of Dr. Pepper and don't feel like going to the store, so it looks like I am trying to quit again.

5. Korynn has been admitted to the hospital. I really hope they can keep the baby in for at least another week.

6. Uncle Scott actually seems kind of mellow. He might even be a nice guy now. And I think he is going deaf.

7. Mailee can swim all by herself if she wears her water wings. She's getting so big.

Nothing Exciting

I was just sitting here thinking that my life is pretty boring and that nothing exciting ever happens to me and then I realized that isn't really true. Following is a list of 10 things that are either exciting or just out of the normal routine.

1. I got to perform in my first ballet show last Saturday and Sunday and although I am 27 years old and recovering from fibromyalgia I don't hurt any more than I do after a normal workout session in which my sister-in-law and I try to kill each other with squats, lunges, dips and pushups.

2. The strap on my leotard broke Sunday while I was getting dressed at the Civic Center and one of the moms had to sew it up for me while I sat there partially dressed.

3. Mark broke a tooth yesterday and he had a root canal this morning. The tooth has been bothering him for awhile. That's pretty exciting.

4. I got new luggage for Mother's Day. I've been carrying around my old carry-on suitcase for 12 years now and it is pretty beat up. Now I have a nice 4 piece set. I feel so grown up.

5. We are leaving tomorrow for a 10 day vacation to Utah and California. It will be the first time the kids have ever flown. I hope everything works out ok.

6. I have no idea how we are going to pay the sales tax on our new van and get it licensed. We planned the trip and bought our plane tickets before we decided to buy the van. Not sure how we are going to swing that but I'm sure it will be an adventurous process.

7. Our mortgage went up $150. We now pay an unholy amount of money to live and I have to stop eating out. My jacuzzi tub makes it totally worth it.

8. Brick said, "Book of Mormon" yesterday. Actually he sang it. We've been listening to a primary cd in the car and I am really getting tired of it.

9. I took the kids to the Health Department yesterday to get their birth certificates and they behaved the whole time. No screaming or fighting at all. I was so proud.

10. I've been mom-sitting Korynn while she is on bed rest. The kids and I are trying to go over everyday around lunch time to feed her. Brick and Sally have become best friends. They love chasing each other around.

Some of that is pretty lame.

I May Have Made a Mistake

In 10 days I will be on stage in my first ever ballet performance. As the time nears I realize I may have made a mistake. What made me think I could do this? I am a 27 year old woman dancing at an 11 year old level with a bunch of 11 year olds and by the end of the dance I just can't seem to keep up with their energy level. Sure my breathing is fine, but my legs are like jelly. I fear I have set myself up for ultimate humiliation. On the other hand, you have all met my mother in law, so a case could be made for having already experienced ultimate humiliation at her hands.
Anyway, wish me luck, because I am terrified and I feel like an over the hill moron.